Election Day Conversation

He: Anything?

She: Of course not. It’s six AM. Why are you up?

He: Why are you up?

(She eyes him warily.)

He: Exactly. Coffee?

She: Already brewing.

He: Perfect. 

(He sits.)

She: How are we supposed to get anything done?

He: I don’t know. Are we supposed to be “getting things done?” As far as I’m concerned, it’s a national holiday.

She: Well tell that to my three Zoom meetings. 

(He goes to the kitchen to prepare coffee.)

He: I can write you a note. 

She: Oh yeah?

He: Yeah, like my mom used to do for me. Kenneth didn’t come to school yesterday because he was filled with existential dread. 

(She laughs.)

He: Of course, we can cater the note to suit your needs. 

(He returns with two mugs, hands one to her.)

He: What are your symptoms?

She: Let’s see. My heart is racing. My head hurts. My stomach is in knots. 

He: That sounds serious. Any coughing, sneezing, itchy eyes?

She: No.

He: Rashes?

She: Not that I’ve seen.

He: Good. Last question. Do you feel like you’ve been running towards the end of a cliff and you’re about to find out whether you stopped mid-air or if you’re safely on the edge?

(She turns to him.)

She: Oh my God, that’s exactly it. So, what do I have doc?

He: I hate to tell you this Shelly, but you have EDD, also known as Election Day Dread. 

She: That sounds terrible. Is there anything I can do?

He: Well you’re lucky; we caught it early. You can call in sick to work, put on your favorite pajamas and sit here, on the couch, all day with a blanket. We’ll watch Disney movies until you feel better.

(He puts down his coffee cup and stands.)

She: Where are you going?

He: I’m getting your prescriptions. I’m thinking 50% off Halloween candy should do the trick.

She: If there’s any left. 

He: I’m sure I can figure something out if it’s gone. 

She: Well if you get lucky, grab every Reese’s spooky ghost you can find. 

He: Will do. 

(He puts his hand on her forehead.)

He: You don’t have a fever. That’s good. 

(She grabs his wrist.)

He: It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out.

She: But this can go a very bad way. 

He: I hate to tell you this, but it already has. 

She: It could get worse.

He: So could everything. We’ll figure it out, no matter what happens. 

(She lets him go.)

She: All the spooky ghosts you can carry. 

He: Of course. 

(He exits. She puts a hand to her forehead then picks up her cell phone and places a call.)

She: Hi Ted. I will not be able to work today. (Pause) Oh you’ve already called in?

Blackout. 

Place Your Bets - A Monologue

Megan, a twenty-nine year old woman, sits alone at a blackjack table in Vegas. It is just her and the dealer. In front of her are two tens.

I should split the tens. Right? Of course you can’t tell me that. But I know it. (She points to a camera.) They know it too. I should split the tens.
Or, I can play it safe and face you with the twenty. That’d be safer right? You have a six. You have to hit, even if you have a ten. You can’t stand on sixteen.
I always play it safe.
It’s my best and worst quality.
You can count on me to show up.
But will I ask you to go with me?
No. No way. Too risky. What if you say no? Then I’m humiliated.
It’s left me… unsuccessful. But not a failure. Alone- but not lonely. But why take the risk? Why should I split the tens?
Greater return. Greater loss. I could lose twenty. I could gain forty. What to do?
The reason I’m here alone is because I didn’t ask someone to come with me. Too risky. What if he said no? Then I’m still alone, but humiliated. Now, I could’ve gained a companion, someone I enjoy spending time with coming on this trip with me- I’m aware of that. But was the potential loss of pride worth the potential gain? I don’t know. I do know. You know, they know, we all know.
It is the elephant in the room as my best friend called it.
And I was all stressed out, wondering what to do and how to ask, and then I just… didn’t. Now this would be the perfect solution, if the other person is completely oblivious and doesn’t care one way or the other, but I think he expected an invitation. So what was so supposed to make everything easy made everything much worse, and how can I explain myself without looking like a complete fool- how do I say would you like to come with me to Vegas without acknowledging that maybe, just maybe he doesn’t want to and hates that I asked?
Am I crazy?
Or is it time to split the tens?

To Walk - A Monologue

Antonia, a thirty-five year old woman is leaving her husband. Before she goes, she pleads to him one last time.

Anthony, I love you. I want you with me- I always have. But I’m going places.  I have dreams. I want to be someone. I want to look at myself in the mirror and know I’ve achieved what I was put here to do.  And I can’t do that standing still with you. I know it is hard to imagine a different life for yourself, but you have to want more than a one bedroom apartment in a flooded basement. I’m begging you. Come with me. (A moment.) I’ve thought about this a long time Tony.  I thought that I could try and carry you- strap you to my back and eventually you’d see the world and want more too.  But I can’t carry you.  If you want to come with me you have to walk.  I want you beside me. But you have to walk. You have to… to walk Tony.  You have to walk.

Last Morning

A monologue.

It was our last morning together. You were cruel. You made me feel like a quitter because I'd finally thrown in the towel. And maybe I was - maybe I am. But there were so many lines you had crossed, so many desires you didn't fulfill, so many times I needed you and you weren't there. So what if I loved you? So what? It wasn't enough for you. And it was no longer enough for me. Its like, its like I stood on the edge of a building and you kept egging me on, telling me to jump and pushing my legs and for years so many years I was able to resist you, stand strong and stay on that ledge waiting for you to talk me down. And then finally, I decided to jump. I said my goodbyes and took the leap, but you grabbed me and pulled me back on the roof at the last second, then yelled at me for being weak and not sticking it out. You yelled at me because after seconds and minutes and days and years of hearing you scream jump, I actually listened. And how could I do that to you? Now that you learned how to whisper. Now that you were willing to talk me down off the ledge. How could I do that to you?

How could I do that to you?

Goodbye Beth, A Monologue

Ethan is a proud man that has been in a relationship with his live in girlfriend, Beth, for five years.  Beth has just informed Ethan that she will be moving out and plans to stop sleeping there as of tonight.  She stands at the door with suitcase in hand.

Put the bag down.  

No seriously.

Put the bag down.  

Please.  

Haven’t I been good to you?  Haven’t I treated you with the upmost respect?  

Are you shaking your head no because of last night?  I know you’re not still upset about two weeks ago.  And this better not be about last year.  Because we talked about this Beth, you have to forgive me.  I was angry.  You made me so angry I just couldn’t… look, I told you it wouldn’t happen again and I meant it.  I won’t hit you again.  Starting today.  Starting right now.  But you’ve got to stop pushing me.  

I’m a proud man Beth.  You know that.  Isn’t that what you love about me?  How proud and strong I am?!  Isn’t that what made you go out with me in the first place?  You’re not being fair to me.  How am I supposed to take care of you and protect you if you’re out of my sight?  You have to stay here.  

So put the bag down.  

You’ve always been hard headed, disobedient.  My mother warned me about you, she told me not to get involved with a woman that didn’t know how to obey.  But I didn’t listen, I fell in love with you anyway.  Your smile, your kind heart, your laugh... I need you Beth.  You’re everything to me.  I need you here.  With me.  You have to stay.  So I’m saying it one last time.

Put the bag down.

Put the bag down.

Put the bag down.

Alright.

Then I will.  

BLACKOUT

Prompter

Bob and Henry have been friends for three years. The two meet at a bar to discuss Henry's recent foray into online dating.

BOB
So...

HENRY
So what?

BOB
How was it?

HENRY
Oh, I mean-

BOB
Why do I always have to prompt you? I mean what are you a news reporter? Why can't you ever start a conversation without a prompt?

HENRY
That is not going to get you the answer you seek.

BOB
And then you do it again, you didn't even answer that question!

HENRY
Well I was starting to-

BOB
And what was that, "that is not going to get you the answer you seek"? I mean who talks like that.

(Silence.)

HENRY
Are you finished?

BOB
Finished what?

HENRY
What do you mean finished what, you know what we're talking about- are you finished ranting?

BOB
Oh I'm sorry, do you not like being a prompter?

(Silence.)

HENRY
No. I guess I don't.

BOB
Huh.

HENRY
Huh.

(They drink.)

BOB
So...

HENRY
So what?

BOB
Forget it. I just remembered I've got to meet a friend on the corner. He gets mad if I'm late.

HENRY
I'm kidding- it went well! She was gorgeous, laughed at all my jokes.

BOB
Body?

HENRY
Wouldn't quit. Just would not stop. Like a winding road. Couldn't step on the gas. Kept one foot on the brake the entire date.

BOB
Woooooo...

HENRY
I know. I know.

BOB
When will you see her again?

HENRY
ASAP.

(Silence. They drink.)

BOB
Hasn't called yet, has she?

HENRY
Nope. Not even a text. Not even a poke, if that's still a thing.

BOB
Women, am I right?

HENRY
Right about what?

BOB
Forget it.

THE END