Haunted

Mary stared out at her students. They were waiting patiently for her to read to them, this grand story she had promised to share weeks ago. But right now, as she stared at them, her breath caught in her throat and she was unable to speak. In each of their faces she could see disappointment building, the same look her parents gave her when she told them she was going to become a teacher.

"Well those who can't do, teach," her mother said, laughing, her face so frozen by botox the sound was the only clear signal that she was happy.

"You know you'll never earn as much money as a plastic surgeon," her father, the plastic surgeon offered. "You should reconsider."

"Don't come crying to us when you can't make the rent."

"If I couldn't come crying to you when I was three, I'm sure I won't come crying to you when I'm thirty!"

The vision of the argument disappeared and she mentally returned to her classroom. That was ten years ago. Why couldn't she forget? Since then she'd always paid her bills on time, always managed to save a little- and most importantly, she was kind. And loving. And full of good advice and made people laugh. So why did she judge herself based on what other people said about her?

And it wasn't just her parents, although together they didn't add up to one decent human being. It was everyone that had ever criticized her, anyone that had reminded her that she wasn't who she wanted to be yet. Their words replayed in her head and stopped her from trying anything outside of her comfort zone.

"You're too fat." Mary lost forty pounds, hoping to finally please her very first boyfriend, and all she got in return was "You're too skinny. You don't look good." Mary gained back ten. "So I see you put the weight back on."

"What do you think of that girl?" This was from one boy to another in a high school hallway. "She's too tall."

"Who is better- her or your ex?" "My ex."

"Where did you go to school?" "NYU." "Oh. That's fun. I went to Harvard."

"Are you married?" "No, just dating right now." "Aren't you worried you're getting too old to have children? You should settle down soon or it'll be too late."

"Do you have a Masters?" "No, but I have my Bachelors." "You should really go back to school. Everyone with a job has a Masters these days."

"How long have you been out of work?" "A few months." "You really should've been an accountant. People always need someone to count their money."

"When's the last time you went on a date?" "Honestly, I can't remember." "Why don't you set up an online profile? Isn't that how people are meeting these days? Of course, I wouldn't know, I've been married for six years, but I read an article about it."

Mary's barrage of past backhanded insults came to a halt. "I wouldn't know." That's right. They wouldn't know. No one knows about my life but me. She stood up and the class fell silent. They watched her erase everything from the chalk board, a days worth of work. In it's place she wrote two words: self esteem. She clapped the chalk from her hands and stood in front of her class. Her class, that she taught five days a week. Her mother and father couldn't teach a bird how to fly.

"I know we are supposed to read this story, but I need you all to know something before you leave here today. The most important thing you will ever have in life is self esteem. And you have to give this to yourself because no one can do it for you. In fact, people will go out of their way to take your self esteem from you because they are unhappy with themselves. You have to know that you are beautiful, you are handsome, you are intelligent, and you have a lot to offer the world- the entire globe- no matter how many people are on this earth. Only you are you- only you have your gifts, talents and abilities. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, you must know that they are wrong. You deserve to be loved, cherished and valued. If people want to be a part of your life, and they don't want to do this, then they do not want to be a part of your life."

She exhaled. All those people, words and "failures" left her body in that instant. She would remember those things, but no longer would they haunt her.

"Now. Who has ever felt like their self esteem was being attacked?"

Mary's heart broke. Every fifth grader in the classroom had raised their hand.